Another Acting Rant

I read something recently that made me think about acting. I have had a tough year this year in "the Business". Mainly I wasn't involved in it in almost anyway for the past year. And I am frustrated and angry and I'm thinking "if I quit what else could I do?"

This article was about quitting. It's easy to quit. You just stop. If you can walk away from whatever you were doing and never think of it again, you are golden. People quit because of frustration, defeat, anger, they just can't take it anymore. I had a lot of those feelings this year. I'm weary. It's been a tough year for me in general.

But the thing is, and as arrogant as this sounds, I'm good. I'm a good actor. I have been in some shit projects where people told me I was the only good thing. They were my friends, but if I was crap, my friends would tell me.

I auditioned for a project at ILM years ago. I was in a motion capture suit on a blue soundstage. The only thing seen of me was my face. I did the audition to the air. A long monologue to someone that would be added digitally to the scene if I was cast. At my feet was a sound guy laying on the floor holding a boom mic, that was the only place he could be to get my voice. I did the scene a few times. While the director looked at the playback the guy at my feet looked at me and said, "That was really good. When Patrick Swayze was here doing Ghost, they had to clear the room." He couldn't do what I did because there were people around. I was surprised by the compliment. Never thought to clear a room. It's my job to be able to do what I need in any situation. I don't see the crew. Being on the boards probably helped me there. You need an audience.

I'm good. And I put up with all the suffering and heartache, sacrificing so much because I know I'm good. I just need more of a chance. That's the thing that sucks about acting. You need other people to do your art. Writers don't need it, painters & sculptors don't need other people to do their art. Acting is collaborative. you need other people to make it happen. And the last name of Sheen, Bridges, or Baldwin wouldn't hurt.

Nietzsche Year

That which does not kill me... Makes me want to give up in frustration, sit on my couch and watch television until I die. Not quite the quote from Nietzsche, hunh? But apropos for this year that is ending. Since I am generally a private person I thought I'd put a soul bearing post on my blog.

By overwhelming consensus 2009 seemed to suck for most everyone I know. The only good thing about it is that it is almost over. For me this past year has been my toughest ever in my life.

1. The economy sucked and messed up the balancing act in the work I do. Events were cancelled or were downsized. Commercials were not being made. I made 1/3 less money than I did the two previous years. Which made for very difficult times and some amazing tap dancing to pay my bills.

2. I lost my SAG health insurance because I didn't make the required amount to qualify because of the crappy economy and the commercials were not being made. I have to find insurance on my own. Having done it before, let me tell you, it ain't cheap.

3. April 18th my foot was injured. I was told originally it was just a sprain by my GP. Wrong. It's much more than that and it will require surgery at some point in the future. But since I have no insurance as of tomorrow, and may have a hard time getting insurance as this might be a pre-existing condition... There's more to this story. But the various options depress me somewhat.

4. Career. Acting. Well, other than doing one play in the Spring, there was no career. I found a manager in March. She got me one audition in the time I have been represented by her. For voice over stuff, I sent demos out twice this year. (You have no idea how glacially slow agents in the VO world are.) Got to read for one, but that went nowhere.

5. Lonely. This year I have felt acutely alone. I don't mind being by myself, but I have been feeling very alone. Dating in LA is weird. Actresses are weird, and usually all I meet. It's kind of funny, I found the women in Norway much more attractive than here in LA. I'll figure it out at some point. Mail order Norwegian bride maybe...

Good- Bye 2009. this year will be remembered. And very little of it will be good.

Christmas Tradition

For the past 3-4 years when I go home to Phoenix for Christmas a good friend tries to kill me. It's a bit of a tradition. I'll explain.

My friend Terry is the most fit person you might ever meet. His heart rate is around 60 beats a minute, he mountain bikes, and is a helicopter pilot in the Army. And when we are both in town we go up Camelback Mountain. In the middle of a very flat Phoenix is a mountain. There are 2 paths to get up it. It takes about 45 minutes to get up the long path. But it's about a mile and a half climb up a mountain. Not easy. (The pictures are from last year.)

This year because of my foot which was injured in April, I was not able to make it up the mountain. This pissed me off. My ego, which sometimes gets me into trouble for shit like this (i.e. trying to keep up with the super fit Terry.), REALLY did not want to quit. We were over half way up. My ankle/foot wasn't coping well with the angles and the loose rocks. It was hurting me enough that my common sense made me call it off. I knew it was getting to the HARD part. And if getting up was this hard, getting down would be worse.

So I quit. I don't generally quit any challenge. If I made it up Camelback, I would be paying for it later, and especially on the way down.

I'd like my old, functional foot back. Please.

Caps and Butts

I find sometimes that when something ends with a girl I want to drop her a note just to clarify things. Either feelings or why I think things went totally wrong.

There is one girl I made out with for 4 hours at a party (I was Zeus, in character, it was my job to seduce women.). I thought she had my number (it was on a business card that said, "Zeus, King of the Gods.) but she never called. Then someone asked for this girl if it was ok to give my email address. Yes! Those who know me know it's not a simple address. If it's not written down 90% of people will get it wrong. I saw her at a play. I wanted to say hello in the lobby but got such a FUCK OFF vibe I proceeded to fuck off.

But isn't that the way? We want a nice simple cap to a situation. And situations like that are never very simple. They are, by their very nature, messy. What is said or not said or perceived, even if it never happened, will just fuck you up.

I think dogs have it easier. You go around sniffing strange butts, if you like the smell of a butt you mount it.

Politics Unusual

I'm disappointed in the politics of healthcare reform. Mainly because there is no more reform in the bill that is being eviscerated in the Senate right now. It's not just the Republicans who are doing it because they have lost any power they had and the only thing left to them is obstruction. If you can't do what you want to, prevent any good from being done by the other party.

It has become a political shell game. Leiberman is the biggest asshole in this mess. He has held up what would be the 60 votes needed to pass reform because he can. That is fucking criminal. That little shit should be recalled right now. Not because he is a weasel. Actually that is the reason to recall him. He is not working for the people who hired him by voting him into office, he is working for his ego. The President and all of Congress should take him out to the political woodshed and beat the political tar out of him. How Dare HE?

The bill as it stands right now has no public option, not lowering of medicare age requirements, basically nothing that would be reform. It forces people to buy into insurance companies products or get fined. Great boon for the health industry.

Harry Reid should put all the things that the bill should have back in and let it go for a vote. Put in the public option and everything else that Republicans and pansy ass hold out Democrats didn't like and let it get voted on. And when it fails go on television and tell people who don't have insurance that it is the fault of these Senators and Representatives listed here. You want healthcare, then these people need to be removed from office.

Mr Obama I voted for you. "Yes We Can" has become "What The Fuck?" You are the President. Play some fucking HARD BALL. And if you are a one term President, it won't be because you were a pussy. Sir, don't be so worried about keeping your job that you forget to do your job.

I watch The West Wing on Bravo all the time, and I would love to have Josiah Bartlett as my President. And why do I care so much? My health insurance thru SAG ends in 13 days.

Overheard

I overheard the neighbor from upstairs, the one being evicted, as she walked up the stairs with her 2 dogs and the drunk husband she kicked out.

"Better hurry up or Brad will kill us all." She said mockingly.

I didn't know I had that option.

Oops

I, kind of, accidentally, somehow, unintentionally, out of curiousity, cyber-stalked someone. It was a girl I was stupid for a long time ago. The subject of the post from last December called "Empty." I was looking at Facebook today and saw her on a friend's profile as a friend. Just out of curiousity I clicked it. All her info showed up. This past week FB has changed it's privacy settings. You have to opt out of searches on Google and re-do all the settings. This girl was never big on Myspace or FB so she probably never checks her own profile. And that's why I was able to look at her pages.

She's engaged.
Well, good for her. But I still don't care. I don't know if it's to the guy from last year. It didn't say.

It was a curiousity thing not a pining for her thing. Haven't seen her in a year. Don't think of her hardly ever. But I still felt a little weird looking. What would I find? How would I feel? Turns out I didn't feel much. And since I have a somewhat semi-private, not completely anonymous forum to vent, I posted here. You'll let me know if this is "too much information", yes?

So much info is out on the internet about you it is scary. Once it's out there you never get it back. Like this post. Whoosh!!!! (That is the sound of information escaping...Forever.)

Destiny

I met someone recently at work who was very religious and volunteered her beliefs quite freely. I enjoy hearing about people's beliefs and listened. One thing she said a few times I found interesting.

God had planned her entire life. Even before she was born, everything had been mapped out. In fact, God has planned out everyone's Life.

Really?

So when I was driving home from Santa Monica in the rain this week, determined not to get on the 405 going north, every choice for every turn I made, dictated by either traffic or whim was pre-determined by God before I was even born? Hmmm.

I have a hard time believing that God has pre-determined every move, every thought of every Life of the 6.6 billion people currently alive on the planet. Every person? Even the ones who don't believe in the God she believes in? Muslims? Hindus? Jews? Wiccans? They all believe in something but not exactly what the other believes in. Every person? The people who are serial killers? Terrorists? Child molesters? That seems like a perverse deity to create lives with such a destiny. To cause havoc and pain on the rest of the 6.6 billion of us. That's kind of horrific.

If everything were planned by God, Allah, or whomever, what woud be the purpose of Life? He wrote the book of EVERYTHING, but still let's it run it's course? If everything is pre-determined then isn't Life merely and academic exercise? Redundant?

I like to think I am in charge of my Destiny. I choose, however right or wrong, whether I turn right or left based upon my own intution and the conditions of the 405. Do I make the right choices all the time? Certainly not.

If God planned each Life, every moment, wouldn't that make him a big control freak?

A Journey

2 Billion years ago in a volcanic furnace of creation a towering mountain of igneous rock was erected soaring over the landscape. It slowly cooled making a mixture in the rock, flecks of silver and veins of quartz shooting thru the black stone.

Time passed. The elements; water, wind, heat, and cold began working their incremental dance, an unending wearing down of the ponderous mountain born of fire. A small hairline crack forms in the surface of the cliff face letting water seep in. The cold freezes the water expanding the crack. The heat expands the rock creating room for the wind to tug at the crack. After 300,000 years the crack has epanded and gravity tears a huge slab of the cliff face away from the mountain. As it falls it tumbles breaking into more pieces, smaller peices that come to rest in the raging river that cuts it's way thru the valley in between the many goliaths of hard rock.

The water bucks and splashes around the intruders because it's force cannot be denied. Over millenia the relentless water inexorably wears away the jagged edges. Smooting the boulders, breaking them down into smaller pieces. The boulders become smoother, smaller; from one rock became many thousands.

Then a year ago a company collects the small smooth river rocks. They are packaged and sold to a woman.

The journey ends with these small beautiful rocks; greys and blacks shot thru with veins of quartz at the bottom of a urinal at the Luxe Hotel with me pissing on them.

What will the # be?

Tiger Woods, as of this blog, has had 11 women come forward to say they had affairs with him. Some rather long affairs. 1-2 years in some instances.

Wow. I'm kind of shocked. He always seemed like a good guy. A good family man. Not just a player. Player not just golf, but "don't hate the Player, hate the game" kind of player.
The guy has got a smoking hot wife. And he goes and has a dozen affairs. Or 37. Who knows how many women will eventually show up?

As a brand, he is done for a few years. Maybe permanently. The sponsors will not want to be associated with someone of such questionable morals. He made 1 billion dollars since he started. Hope it's invested well.

So why did this happen? Well, I imagine that celebrity has something to do with it. The temptation and the opportunity to stray he had has got to be amazing. Power, Money and Sex go together. In the history of mankind, they always have.

So he should divorce his wife. Then he can sleep with as many women as he wants. He won't have the endorsements he has or had, but at least it won't be as lurid as his life is now.

Kind of sad. How far the mighty have fallen.

Crazy Moon

I saw the vampire sequel the other night. I'd been seeing so many good movies lately, I thought I'd change it up a bit.

I'm not a teenage girl, but is a guy taking off his shirt showing his 6 pack abs really scream worthy? Evertime the wolf boy took off his shirt, girls screamed. The same with the moody vampire who can't find a comb; and his abs looked painted on like they used to do in baywatch.

The script was average. The movie was inundated with pregnant pauses and a lot of eyebrow acting. Watching an actor being moody and pensive gets annoying after 3 minutes. And would you look at the girl you are doing the scene with for Christ sake? The girl? Holy crap, if I were her dad I would have said, "Honey, we are going to get you some prozac. From Costco. Waking every night screaming? That would push me over the edge. And why did these 2 guys fight over her? she wasn't that interesting. As a food source for a monster, maybe. (I've been a vampire. Twice. Go out and kill something you fucking pansies!) But really, this movie made $500,000,000 so far? Damn.

Want to know a good movie? Here's my list: Up in the Air; District 9; An Education; The Last Station; The Informant; The Hurt Locker; 500 Days of Summer; Up; The Young Victoria; Sherlock Holmes.
A lot of these were total surprises. Some I didn't expect to like and really enjoyed. Some I knew nothing about and was pleasantly surprised.

So there you go. See you at the movies. Or in my livingroom watching DVD screeners.

Party Crashers

The White House party crashers are kind of funny. And yet I am appalled that they got into the party. What was the Secret Service thinking? Specifically the guy who first waved them thru? I bet his new posting is in Greenland.

I saw an interview with the married couple on the Today show this morning. Matt Lauer asked some very straight forward questions. And the Salahis answered everything like they were politicians with such rambling circular answers that you forgot the original questions. I kept thinking to myself, "that didn't answer the question." Matt should have pressed the Salahis for a real answer. What happened to journalism? I'm not really too concerned how they feel. I would like the truth. Which would probably be hard to get since I'd bet they were coached by a lawyer.

They are fame seekers like the Balloon Dad last month. It's crazy what reality television has done to the world. The crazy people are doing stupid things and thinking it's alright. I'm sure the secret service will change it's policies for things like this. No ticket, no entrance. Try to bullshit get escorted out. These two people need to be arrested. And when they lie to Congress this week, they need to face some consequences for their actions. Their proof, the emails they say they have, are not going to hold up.