Photos

There are not a lot of photos of me out there. I don't really like to pose in front of things with people and smile. I find it rather fake. I did a lot of that when I was a kid. My mom has lots of pictures with me standing in front of things with various relatives and smiling. This has effected the way I shoot pictures. I don't give people time to pose. I shoot candid pictures. Rarely do I let people stop, and settle, and smile in a picture. Guess I'm a news photographer.

I rebelled after high school. It was a ego thing. I was skinny and gawky and didn't want to see photos of myself looking so skinny and gawky. So I would avoid the camera a bit or not stop and pose and smile. This tendency became a thing that I still do though it's now just what I do.

This tendency impacted me when I was at a Bar Mitzfah for someone I've known since he was 3 days old. There was a slide show presentation showing Reno from the time he was a baby until now. They showed him with relatives and close friends. But as it went along, I noticed there was none of me with Reno. And I was hurt. It's stupid, but there it is. I've been there for so much of his life, and in pictures I was a ghost. Not there...

I mentioned it to Howard later. He said, "We looked." I'm sure they did. I have a number of photos with Reno I got from them. But it's funny how photos are so deletable now days. There is no negatives. If your hard drive crashes you may have nothing saved. It's just gone. They are not printed on paper like they were, there are no negatives if the paper picture is lost. Poof, gone.

I think that happened a bit with me in this instance. So what the fuck to do?

Stop, and pose, and smile. Time to be seen.