Attrition in Los Angeles

I was having lunch with a fellow actor yesterday. We have known each other for 15 years or so, having met while working at a small theatre in a basement in Pasadena. We were doing plays. Why? Because live theatre, live performing, is like sex. You can tell when the audience is with you and there is a cycle of energy given out and sent back to the performer onstage.

I've been having a rough go of it lately. I haven't done a play in a while. I'm woefully under represented. My agent has not called at all this year which is why I'm looking to get a new one.  So I was doing the actor's lament, "I'm not getting out, my agent sucks, yadda yadda yadda." It's venting all actors do.

We started talking about the people who have given up and why. Because in the years I've been in LA I've seen lots of people come and even more go. And the personal reasons for quitting acting are many. She told me of a few people she knew and what the specific reason was for quitting acting. And one of them was a small snub, but it was personal and not meant to be mean, but it was kind of cruel. An off handed comment that a casting director made. Really? That one comment broke the camel's back? Fuck me. It's part of the business. Because the commodity is you. You may not get the part, but there are likely 99 reasons out of 100 for not getting it that probably have nothing to do with you.

Anyway. I was reflecting earlier in the week about this subject. Where did the actors I know go? They got a day job and slowly faded away from acting. They found that a steady income was more attractive then perpetual struggle. A job opened up in another state. A child came along and they can raise it cheaper with better schools in a midwest state. There seemed to be plenty of small reasons to give up a titanic struggle. And big reasons too. But each person has to figure out what that point is. 

It's hard. It's very discouraging. Can you be happy doing something else? Can you see yourself doing that thing? Go. Do it. You may save yourself a lot of frustration and heartache.

But for all the people I know who have left the profession and Los Angeles, I know they are being replaced by actors from all over the country who hop off the bus fresh faced. These are the stars of their high schools and colleges. Their professional training programs. These are the ones who haven't been beaten down by the machine of Hollywood.

I don't know if I have a breaking point. Or if I will be like a terrier playing tug of war with a huge rope tied to a mountain until I have a heart attack and die.

The thing is, I have friends working. I know people in movies and on series and working as guest stars. I know people in commercials and voice over. And those people give me hope that I will succeed. I  don't want to be someone who has given up. Unless I win $400 million. But I'd produce my own movies if I did win that kind of money.