Empty

I was at a movie screening at the DGA and I saw a girl I was stupid for a couple years back. It was really a ridiculous situation that ended rather ridiculously. And I was destroyed for a while.
I was sitting in a row at the DGA by myself reading a magazine, there were 40 empty seats around me. When she walked in with her boyfriend I was very aware of her and where she was in the theatre. They made their way around the aisles and sat in my row, 2 seats away from me. She had to have seen me.
I thought it very strange, but I was busy with my magazine and pointedly ignoring her because I couldn't think of a thing to say to her.
There was either a lot to say, or nothing to say, or we could chat about the weather.
People sat between us. Later she went to the restroom. After she returned there was a bullshit moment of, "I didn't see you there. I'm sitting in your row."
We had an awkward 3 minute conversation. I had a hard time thinking of things to say or ask. It had been 20 months since I had seen or talked to her.
The movie started and we stopped chatting.
I was a bit surprised by the encounter. I sat talking to her, who I adored, and there was nothing inside me for her.
I had questions or maybe wanted to be mean to her, but it didn't matter. When I got home I read some of the journals I was writing during that hard time and was surprised how pathetic I sounded.

It was a long way from heartsick to empty.