Parenting Thoughts

Yeah. I have no kids. But I have strong opinions about parenting.

I was talking to a woman who has a 2 year old child and said I wouldn't do certain things. Thins she had done with her child. She put her hands on her hips and gave me a, "Really?" Which was not subtle code for, "You have no fucking children, why are you judging me?"

I have friends with kids and have seen different parenting styles from cajoling to guilt trips to begging to threats and intimidation. They may be the thing that that specific child needs. But in all the parenting styles I have watched I have to admit that I think the woman with hands on hips kind of got it all wrong.

The child is 2 and still breast feeds. Not because he needs the food or they live in sub Saharan Africa and there is no other source of protein for the child, it's because she wanted to breast feed for a long time. And now, at 2, it's hard to break the kid from the routine. Also, breastfeeding is now a security blanket for the child. If he bumps his head, he gets a boob. If he ever is sad, he gets a boob. I'm over 18. It would be fucking awesome to get a boob at the end of a bad day.

The child co-sleeps with them and has the entire time. The child had never slept in it's own bed until recently. It was more for her than the child. Um, have a crib near the bed to facilitate middle of the night feedings for the first 3-4 months, but you could roll over and hurt the child! That's just fucking dangerous. It's only recently the child has been sleeping in his own bed.

The parents told of how difficult it is to get the child to stop breast feeding and to sleep in it's own bed. Who's fault is that for not creating a routine? The kid is a precious glass unicorn that has never had a bad day. They are talking about home schooling. I don't buy that home schooled kids are at the same developmental stages as kids who go to public or private schools.

In school you learn things. Socialization. You learn your strengths and weaknesses. You learn that there are people in the world that are assholes and you won't like them. And they won't like you. You learn to play tag and dodgeball at recess and you run around. I doubt that home schooled kids get sent outside to run around. And prom is going to suck

You learn deadlines in school. You have to have work in by a certain time to get a grade. How do grades work for home schooled kids? How does Harvard look at a home schooled kid and say that they have a commensurate educational experience as the kids who went to public or private schools? For what is school training you for? A JOB. Yup, all the things you learned in school like sitting behind a desk and accomplishing a task, that is a precursor to having a job where you sit at a desk and get shit done. I'm not being Dickensian, but if a home schooled kid is only "working" for 3 hours because it is the same as 7 hours at a public school, then he will be shocked at how long a work day really is.

When the parents admonished the child for pushing another child, the mother said, "It makes Mommy feel bad when you do that." The dad also said, "Daddy doesn't like it when you do that." Um, in the world there are things you should do. Tell a child "No" and stick with it is one of the things. You can explain why, but what does the child learn being guilt tripped about an action the parents don't like? How do you explain to the child the stove is hot? "It burns Mommy when you stick your hand on the burner?" IT'S FUCKING DANGEROUS! Certain things in the world are dangerous and you need to tell the kid "NO." Don't run into the street. Don't jump off the roof. Don't stab Mommy. The justification of "it makes Mommy sad" is bullshit.

Generally, I think that these parents are raising a bright, lovely child who will have a universe filled with rainbows and butterflies... And be totally unprepared for how the world really works. This kid will be consoled if he fails. And you get a trophy for showing up.

But, really, don't you learn more from your failures than you successes? Anybody can win, but how do you deal with a loss? Does the loss drive you to do better or give up on doing that thing again? Feeling bad is part of being human. If you never learn how to cope, are you going to be looking for Mom's boob when you are 35 and didn't get a promotion at work?

Don't you learn more from the people who don't like you than the ones who like you and put up with your shit because they are your friend? My friends put up with my crap. But the ones who won't are the people I work for and the people who don't like me. They call my attention to the things I do that others let slide.

But then what do I know? I'm just some asshole who has no children.